


The One With the Porn Videos

by HolyFuckingHell



Series: Cas's List [20]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Dean Winchester, Drunkenness, Enochian Handcuffs (Supernatural), Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Handcuffs, M/M, Porn, Porn Watching, Sex, Smut, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:14:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyFuckingHell/pseuds/HolyFuckingHell
Summary: After Cas being gone for a few days and then a long day after that, Cas suggests he and Dean drink, watch porn, then fuck. And who is Dean to deny that?
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Cas's List [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887445
Comments: 27
Kudos: 78





	The One With the Porn Videos

**Author's Note:**

> You don’t have to read this because it’s not important I just think it’s funny. I was at my aunt's house and my cousin spilled water on the counter and partly on the stove. The stove is a flat top one. He had to get the stuff up to dry it, obviously, but when he tried to lift up the cast iron skillet, the water made a weird suction thing. So, the brute he is, he yanked it up but lost his grip and it went soaring towards the door where my younger brother had JUST WALKED IN. Luckily, it missed him, but it dented the threshold. That’s it, just thought I’d tell you the inspiration for a chunk of this fic.

Cas hasn’t been gone for  _ too _ long. Just like… two and a half days. It doesn’t sound like a lot but that’s  _ no physical contact _ for two and a half days. And Dean misses Cas. Every night when he’s not in bed with him to talk and snuggle and…  _ other stuff. _ And every day when he’s not there to keep him company and laugh at his stupid jokes. 

But two and a half days… That’s nothing. They can handle it. 

Cas called Dean last night to tell him he would be there when Dean woke up. Which Dean thinks is nice. He’s just one short night away from Cas in the morning. It’s good. It makes him want to go to sleep sooner than usual just so he can be with Cas again. 

Eventually, he wakes up the next day. He looks over and Cas is sitting on the bed, next to him. “Cas…” Dean smiles, not lifting his head from the pillow. He’s not as excited as Cas thought he would be. “Did we have sex?” Dean asks randomly.

“Uhm,” Cas doesn’t know how to answer that. “We  _ have  _ had sex. Yes.”

“But we didn’t  _ just _ have sex… Okay…” Dean smiles again. “Cas! I’m so glad you're back! How long have you been here?”

“About thirty-five minutes.”

“I just had,” Dean sits his upper half up by putting his arms down under him.  _ “The _ most!  _ VIVID _ dream.  _ Ever.” _ Dean gasps loudly then falls back down.

“What is it, Dean?” Cas smirks.

“I uhm…” Dean swallows. 

“You…” Cas prompts. “You what?”

“I’m all… Sticky.” Dean glances at Cas then grimaces.

“You are lying in your ejaculate!” Cas says, amused.

“How did you-? Were you here for it?”

“No!” He wishes, but no. Cas is infinitely curious about how that goes, “I can smell it, Dean.”

“Ugh!” Dean grunts. “Why does this keep happening? I keep having wet dreams! It just happened  _ randomly _ that time you were gone for  _ so long _ and it’s like that opened the friggin gates for more! They used to  _ never happen. _ Why are they happening now?” Dean pushes his face into the pillow. 

“It’s nothing to get upset about. Especially since I can clean you and the sheets in a matter of seconds.  _ This time. _ I suppose you have to deal with it by yourself when I'm not…”

“Mmm,” Dean grunts. “Cas, seriously, why is this happening all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know,” Cas giggles. 

“Yes, you do. You know everything.”

“I don’t know  _ everything.” _

“You know most stuff… And you know everything about  _ sex.” _

“I can share my knowledge of nocturnal emissions then I can provide educated assumptions as to why it could be happening, but I don’t know for certain.” 

“Go ahead then. Let’s hear it.”

“Would you like me to clean you up first?” Cas says, reaching over. 

“Yes, please.” Cas finishes quickly and Dean flips around to lay on his back now that he’s clean again. 

“Okay. Fact one,” Cas starts. Dean chuckles because Cas is just  _ so dorky.  _ He loves it. “During the rapid eye movement stage of sleep, certain parts of your brain are stimulated and those same parts are also stimulated during-”

“REM? Is that what you’re talking about?” Dean asks. 

“Yes. Fact two, REM is the stage of sleep where your dreams happen. It is also the stage of sleep where you are erect-”

“Woah!” Dean interrupts. “I’m hard during REM? Like every time? The whole time?”

“Yes… It happens to all males, not just you. Don’t worry.”

“Cas…” Dean chuckles. “How much time do I spend in REM?”

“25% of the night.”

“Holy fuck, dude. I’m hard a quarter of the night?”

“Yes, in the nights you sleep soundly.”

“What the fuck?”

“Fact three, sperm can… To simplify it, sperm can ‘expire’ so it needs to be flushed out to make room for new sperm.”

“Ew.”

“It’s not ‘ew.’”

“The way you said it,” Dean rolls his eyes.

“Okay,” Cas rolls his eyes too. “Well, I think, your chances of ejaculating in your sleep increases when you haven’t ejaculated in a while. If you haven’t gotten rid of old sperm, your body will do it on its own. Since I am not here to have sex with you and therefore rid you of older sperm-”

“Ew.”

“You have to do it yourself. I am assuming you don’t masturbate as constantly as we fornicate.”

“No.”

“Well, then, it’s a potential factor.” Cas thinks for a moment. “Also, since I’m not here… You are alone and that means you have to care for yourself… I think your body raises testosterone levels naturally to help you. It’s all very… What do you call it?... Caveman-”

“Monkey brain. I call it monkey brain,” Dean grunts. “Are you saying my monkey brain thinks I’m like… Alone in the wild and need-”

“Testosterone, yes. That is a simplified version of what I am saying. Fact four, rise in testosterone plays a large role in the commonality of wet dreams.”

“Ugh. I can't do anything about that… What else?”

“Uhm,” Cas thinks. “You said you had a vivid dream… Due to the fact you asked me if we had sex, I will assume it was of sexual nature?”

“Yup.”

“Well, if you had a sex dream… Which is the correct brain stimulation needed for ejaculating purposefully… During the same time you were erect, at the same time because of REM, that is probably the main cause of the emission.”

“What?” Dean complains. “I can’t do anything about that  _ either.” _

“Dean, you won’t be able to stop it… It’s natural and out of your control.”

“Ugh, Cas,” Dean whines. “I don’t like that mother nature can have her way with me while I sleep…” Cas chuckles, “It’s not fair.”

“Well… Perhaps sleeping on your stomach is to blame too.”

“Why?” Dean raises an eyebrow.

“Potential friction.”

“Okay… I can change that. And hope for the best, I guess.”

“You could also masturbate more while I am away.”

“No…” Dean whines. “I masturbate enough. It’s weird if I spend a ton of time masturbating while you're gone…”

“Why is it weird?”

“Because-” Dean can’t think. “It just  _ is. _ I don’t know, Cas. We have sex  _ a lot. _ It would be weird if I masturbated enough to match that.”

“Well, I’m sorry it makes you uncomfortable to masturbate without me now.”

“Don’t apologize because  _ I _ got hang-ups.”

“Alright,” Cas chuckles. 

Dean sighs big. “I feel like a freaking teenager. I’m an adult. This shouldn’t be happening.”

“It’s really not a big deal,” Cas smiles. “Adults have them too.”

Dean sighs again. 

“Dean, will you… Tell me about your sex dream? The vivid one?”

“Uhh,” Dean thinks. “Yeah. So… Basically, you got back from heaven, horny as ever… Like usual,” Dean jokes. Cas shoves him a bit playfully. “And uh, you wanted me to fuck you with this  _ huge _ dildo. Biggest one I’ve ever seen.” 

“How do you mean?”

“Thick, but I mean it was  _ very _ long. I was looking at them on the internet the other day…”

“Do you want one?”

“I haven’t decided yet. Point is, it was huge.” Dean smiles. “And you had me use it on you and it was so pretty the way you could just… Take it…” Dean turns to his side to face Cas. “And when it went in deep… You go this little bump on your tummy…” Dean giggles and rubs softly against Cas’s stomach. 

“‘Tummy?’”

Dean clears his throat. “Stomach. Your stomach. I’m a man, we’re mainly, you get it,” Dean grunts.

“Did you like… the bump in my…  _ tummy, _ Dean?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You stomach… And yes. In the dream, which was vivid, I liked it a lot. It was hot.”

“Hmm,” Cas nods.

“But,” Dean starts, “In real life… I know you aren't the biggest fan of… The biggest toys.”

“Not really.”

“Yeah…” Dean chuckles. “My fearless Cassie boy… Intimidated by size.”

“I am not intimidated by size.”

“Oh sorry,” Dean says sarcastically, “What would you call it?” Cas doesn’t answer. “Mmm… Right.”

“Okay.”

Dean sits up finally. “It’s okay… It works out. I like the size thing-”

“Glad you can admit that.”

“Well, it’s less embarrassing than the freakin night-time fun-times…” Dean rolls his eyes. “I like the size thing and you got the size thing…” Dean chuckles. 

“Say it…”

“Cas, seriously?”

“Yes. Please.”

“Big cock Cassie.”

“Say some more stuff about it…”

“I need alcohol for that.”

“Do you need alcohol to finally kiss me? I fear I may just be sitting here waiting forever without your lips gracing mine.”

Dean chuckles and moves into where Cas is sitting to start kissing him. 

It quickly becomes very heated and Cas tries to slip his hand into Dean’s boxers. “Wait! Cas!” Cas stops. “I’m sorry…” Dean frowns. “I gotta pee so bad and also I’m starving…” Dean grimaces. 

Cas sighs. “Very well,” Cas kisses along Dean’s neck. “I suppose we can wait until later today.”

“Okay… Sorry again.”

“That’s alright. I’m sorry for  _ you. _ I am very horny right now, we would have had a good time.”

“We always do,” Dean gets up and starts pulling on a pair of pants. “You can… Masturbate in here… While I go… Do stuff. Then you can meet me back in the kitchen, maybe…”

“Maybe…” Cas thinks. “Perhaps I will.”

“Really?” Dean asks. Excitedly. 

“Probably not. Go pee.”

“Okay,” Dean runs out of his room, leaving Cas in there. Cas lays in the bed and just calmly relaxes for a few moments. He loves the way the room smells like Dean. 

Later, Dean wakes up in his bed again. When he opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is a very worried Jack standing over him. And then Sam, also standing over him, less worried, more amused. Dean is confused. Then he sees Cas, kneeling on the bed next to him. 

“Uhm… What the fuck is going on?” Dean sits up. 

“Are you okay?” Jack panics. 

“Yes?” Dean says. “Why is everyone in here and looking at me?”

“You don’t remember?” Sam giggles. 

“Remember what exactly?” Dean asks. 

“What do you last remember?” Cas asks. He looks calm but Dean knows he is worried and is hiding it. 

“Uhm… I went to the bathroom.” 

“Okay, that's recent enough,” Cas nods and relaxes. 

“Anyone want to tell me what the  _ fuck _ is going on?” Dean looks at Cas. 

Cas looks at Sam. 

Sam looks at Jack. 

Now they are all looking at Jack. 

Jack looks at Dean, still worried. “It was an accident,” Jack starts. 

“What was?” 

“You… Walked into the kitchen… And. Well. The timing. It’s odd. It’s bizarre-”

“Jack hit you in the head with the cast iron!” Sam laughs hysterically. 

“What?” Dean asks. 

“Accidentally. You walked in just as I let go and it hit you… I’m so sorry.”

“You got knocked out, dude,” Sam continues laughing. “We were freaked! I went to get Cas to help, and then-” And Dean can’t understand what Sam is saying because he’s laughing.

“How did you throw the cast iron?” Dean grumbles to Jack. 

“It was an accident! I’m sorry, Dean!”

“You haven’t forgiven him,” Cas whispers quietly in Dean’s ear.

“It’s okay, kid,” Dean says. “I don’t even remember it and I’m fine. I’m just confused.”

“You’re okay though?” Jack asks. 

“Yes,” Dean nods. 

“Okay,” Jack nods, looking less worried. 

“Okay, Jack, let’s go…” Sam says, walking out of the room. 

“Are you really okay?” Cas asks. “You have, or had a concussion. I tried to heal it, but I don’t know if that cleared all the symptoms. You weren't able to tell me because-”

“I was fucking out cold, yeah,” Dean nods. 

“So are you feeling anything odd?”

“My head hurts like a bitch, not gonna lie.” 

Cas kisses Dean’s forehead and the pain goes away. “Better?”

“You’re a dork.”

“Is it better?”

“Yes.”

“How is your balance? Stand up.”

“My balance is fine!” Dean gets up. “Fuck,” Dean falls over. “I got up too fast.”

“I can fix your balance, don’t get up yet,” Cas gets up and walks towards Dean. “Okay, now?” 

Dean stands up. “I feel fine… Did I really get hit in the head by a flying cast iron pan? In real life? For real? Not joking?”

“I wasn’t there, but yes, I believe so.”

“I can’t believe this happened in real life.”

“Yes,” Cas giggles. “Let me know if the light is irritating your eyes.”

“I don’t think it is.”

“Well, if it starts, tell me.”

“Okay, Cas.”

“Good.”

“What a weird morning,” Dean shakes his head. “I got concussed then  _ de- _ concussed. How long was I out for?” 

“About two minutes.”

“That’s not bad.”

“It’s not great.”

“Well,” Dean starts to walk out, “I’m still starving so I’m gonna go-”

“I will accompany you this time. You know, to watch out and keep you safe from flying cookware.”

“Thanks,” Dean chuckles. “I still can’t believe this happened in real life. What the fuck?”

“It’s quite odd.”

And that is just the start to a  _ very _ long day. A long and tiring day. How something like this day even happens, Dean will never know. 

But eventually, night rolls around and at the ripe time of 7:30, Dean wants to go to bed. Maybe not, bed. Definitely not asleep. He just wants to go to his room. Accompanied by Cas. 

Dean flops backward on the bed. “Today was…” Dean starts chuckling. “A day. A long ass day.”

“It was very long for you, metaphorically speaking. I’m sorry…” Cas smiles at him and sits next to him on the bed. 

“I had a wet dream last night, for starters… Then, I got-” Dean rolls his eyes, “Hit the  _ fucking head _ by  _ fucking cast iron! _ Got knocked out- That’s  _ fun.” _

“Yes, and that was all just this morning.”

“And we haven’t even had sex.”

“And we haven’t even had sex,” Cas agrees.

“Today was weird,” Dean laughs. 

“Dean,” Cas asks very seriously. “Would you like to drink alcohol, watch porn videos, and then fornicate?”

Dean gazes so lovingly at Cas. “Yes. I do. I really do.” Dean smiles so big. “I love you so fucking much, Cas.” Dean pauses for a second. “Am I a bad influence on you?’ Dean laughs. 

“Define  _ bad.  _ I wouldn’t consider you to be a  _ bad _ influence…”

“Drink, porn, then sex…” Dean giggles. “That’s what you just suggested.”

“I’ll go get the alcohol. You stay here.”

“Okay,” Dean giggles. “Beer!” Dean shouts quickly as Cas gets up. “I want beer. I don’t wanna get wasted, I just wanna get like… Buzzed.”

“Okay,” Cas smiles. 

A few minutes later, Cas comes back with  _ a lot _ of beer. “Damn,” Dean smiles, sitting up.

“I want to drink too,” Cas smiles. “I had an idea,” Cas passes Dean an open beer. 

“An idea?” Dean asks, interested. 

“Yes. A couple of weeks ago, when you used the Enochian handcuffs on me, I had the idea. I had never thought about just using them to ‘power down,’” Cas uses finger quotes. “I had only thought of them for being bound. I thought maybe… If I wore them…”

“You could get drunk like a normal person!” Dean stands up. “Yes! Genius. That’s why you make the big bucks.”

“I don’t make any money.”

“Metaphorical big bucks, Cas.”

“Oh.”

“So you wanna do this?” Dean gets the cuffs out of his drawer. 

“I think it would be worth a try.”

“Okay,” Dean grins. “Take off all your tops… Can’t very well get them off when you got these on so let's get in front of that.” Not even a second later Cas’s clothes disappear. He snaps the cuffs around Cas and hands him a beer. Dean holds his beer out, “Here’s hoping!” 

Cas smiles and clicks their bottles together like Dean wanted, then starts drinking. “It tastes different.” Cas comments. 

“Good or bad?”

“I don’t love it.”

“Well, it serves a purpose I guess. So, it’s okay if you don’t love it.”

“This is quite odd,” Cas says. 

“Yeah… Now your hands have to stay in front of you, max eight inches apart.”

“Yes, but I was not referring to that.” Cas smiles and drinks more of the beer. 

Dean laughs as Cas chugs the whole thing, “Alright,” Dean hands him another one. 

“You have to keep up,” Cas says to Dean. 

“Me? Keep up with a notorious big-league drinker? No way…”

“It’s different now.”

“Yeah… I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Okay,” Cas chuckles. “We’ve never watched any porn videos together, have we?”

“Aside from that one time when you first watched it, no.” Dean lays back on the bed. 

Cas reaches, with both hands, not by choice, towards Dean’s junk and pats it gently. Dean thinks it’s weird but Cas stops so quickly that he just rolls with it. “What kind of porn do you like?”

“I’m… Not that picky,” Dean shrugs. “I  _ super _ want to know what kind of porn you watch though…”

“Dean,” Cas giggles. “I  _ read _ a lot of  _ my  _ porn.”

“You read it-” Dean is confused for a second, “Like… The stuff back at the shop?”

“Yes…” Cas nods, drinking more of his beer. “I said I’ve tried it, but the truth is, I’ve tried it  _ many _ times… I like it very much.”

“What’s it called again?” Dean sits his head up and drinks more.

“Erotica…” 

“Hmm.” 

“I of course watch porn videos as well…” Cas rolls his eyes. “It started off very weird though… I didn’t know what to search for anything and I was rather new to it about a year and a half ago… So.”

“Really?” Dean asks. 

“Yes… A lot of internet porn videos are just straight  _ fucking.” _ Cas gestures with his hands. 

“Oh,” Dean laughs pretty hard. 

“It was so aggressive, I didn’t like it,” Cas recalls. He drinks a bit more. “Can you please drink more? I think I am being affected quite strongly.”

“Alright,” Dean chugs his beer then grabs another one.

“I need to slow down,” Cas giggles, swaying a bit. 

“Cas, are you-” Dean chuckles. “Are you a lightweight?”

“It would seem so. Everything is very distorted until I stare directly at it with great…” Cas squints at Dean’s eyes. “Focus.”

“Two beers, dude. Not even two.”

“Haha, yes… That’s true.” Cas lays down and rests the bottle, along with his hands, on his chest. 

“Okay… You were saying?”

“What was I saying? Oh, the internet porn videos, yes. It was very aggressive. I tried multiple things. I tried adding to the search engine… Uh… ‘Kissing,’ That worked sort of. I got more videos that were less hateful.”

“Hateful?” Dean laughs. 

“Yes, Dean. The humans were just-” Cas sort of thrust up which Dean finds funny. “I don’t know how to describe it… There was too much slamming… Does that make sense to you?”

“Yeah, I know what you're saying…”

“Next I tried adding to the search bar the word ‘love’ which worked the best.”

Dean smiles at Cas. He added the word  _ ‘love’ _ to his porn searches. What a sap.

“But!” Cas says a bit loud, “When I started looking at more extreme kinks and things… That ended up not working.”

“Haha,” Dean giggles, “I would imagine…”

“Then I came across something referred to as ‘female-friendly porn.’” Cas uses finger quotes again and almost spills his beer. “Oh, Dean,” Cas laughs, “This is working better than I thought. If I was a human…” Cas closes his eyes. “Do you think this is how alcohol would affect me?”

“Probably… Cas, you have no idea how funny I find it that you are a lightweight.”

“Thank you,” Cas says oddly. 

“So what is… Female friendly porn? Just girls or something?”

“No… I mostly watch videos with just men. I think it’s called that because females create and develop them... I like it better than mainstream porn videos because-” Cas hiccups. “I don’t like that.”

“Don’t like what?”

“These hiccups… Why do they hurt?”

“Uh…” Dean giggles, “Because hiccups hurt.” Dean finishes his beer. 

Cas hiccups. “What? No, they don’t. I’ve had hiccups before and they have never hurt.”

“I’m sorry…” Dean gets another beer. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Well,” Cas hiccups, getting back on track, “This porn seems to depict genuine pleasure from the people in it. So I like it better.”

“I get that,” Dean smiles. “That makes sense.”

They continue just talking about porn for a while… Just drinking and laying down. Every once in a while, Cas will touch Dean on some random spot on his body and rub there for a second. Dean thinks it’s kinda nice so he doesn’t say anything. 

Cas hasn’t  _ quite _ finished his second beer. But he’s still pretty tipsy. Dean loves tipsy Cas. Dean is getting there too by around his third beer. Then his fourth. 

“Yah know,” Dean giggles, “Sometimes, well… Does music ever turn you on?”

“Music?” Cas giggles. 

“Yeah…”

“I know that most songs are overtly about sex, but I do not typically,” Cas laughs, “Find them sexually appealing…”

_ “None of them?” _ Dean asks loudly. He may be a bit tipsier than he thought. Nonetheless, he grabs a fifth beer thinking this is where he should probably stop. For now at least. 

“None that I can think of!” Cas laughs. “Do you find any songs arousing?”   
“Yes,” Dean nods big. “Once, we were having sex in my car and the radio was on… And we did it with the song ‘Magic Carpet Ride’ by Steppenwolf playing and I came and now… Every time I hear that song… I get a little bit turned on…”

“But that is not the  _ song _ that turns you on… It’s the memory tied to the song.”

“Okay well… Explain,” Dean giggles and shoves Cas playfully, “Explain why Quiet Riot’s ‘Cum On Feel The Noize’ get’s me in the mood to fuck!” Dean giggles. 

“I guess I can’t!” Cas shrugs. 

“Or…” Dean laughs. “The Funky Cold Medina…”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever heard that song.”

Dean climbs over Cas and gets close to his face, looking into his eyes. He puts their foreheads together because he’s so close. “Cas. Look at me,” Dean says seriously. 

“I am looking at you,” Cas laughs.

“No one can know I like this song.”

“Okay.”   
“I’m gonna play it for you… But don’t tell anyone I like it.”

“It’s a secret,” Cas whispers then laughs. 

“Yes.” Dean gets up off the bed and off of Cas. “Okay, here we go.” Dean turns his phone up all the way and gets the song going.

“This melody  _ is _ funky,” Cas laughs. 

Dean smiles and starts swaying slightly to the song. “Alright, dig it,” Dean laughs out the lyrics. Cas stays laying down and just watches and smiles. “Cold coolin’ at a bar,'' Dean climbs onto Cas, straddling his waist, “And I’m lookin’ for some action,” Dean bites his lips still wiggling to the song like a little dance. “But like Mike Jagger said ‘I can’t get no satisfaction.’” Dean rubs his hands up and down Cas's chest. They both just smile at each other. The song continues as Dean climbs off of Cas, holding his hands and pulling him. “Get up, Cassie boy,” Dean wiggles. “We’re gonna dance.”

Cas likes dancing with Dean. They just move around and act goofy. Cas knows he’s not very good but neither is Dean. They just do it for fun. Dean continues to sing the song. “You know all of the lyrics?” 

Dean nods, “Secretly, yes.” Dean walks around Cas dragging his hands along his waist. “I asked the guy, why you so fly? He said ‘Funky Cold Medina,’” Dean sings in a goofy voice. Dean stops when he is pressed up behind Cas and kisses Cas’s neck on the most sensitive part then grins. 

Cas laughs and they start dancing again. 

Then Dean and Cas both hear knocks. And not from the song. Dean pauses his phone as quickly as he can. “Yes?” Cas answers. 

“Uhm, hello, it’s Jack. Can I come in?”

Dean and Cas both look at each other. They are both kinda drunk and Cas is half-naked. Dean looks down to make sure neither of them is hard.  _ “Can _ he come in?” Dean whispers. 

“I suppose so?” 

“Yeah, you can come in!” Dean shouts. 

“The door is locked,” Jack says after wiggling the doorknob. 

“Yes, I locked the door,” Cas nods. Dean walks over and opens it. “Hello, Jack!” Cas waves excitedly. 

“Hello!” Jack chuckles. He’s a bit thrown for a couple of reasons. 

“What’s up?” Dean asks. 

“Uhm, I just wanted to…” Jack trails off. “Why is Castiel wearing handcuffs?”

How did Dean forget about that? “Uh, we’re trying something…” Dean offers. 

“I want to get drunk!” Cas laughs. 

“He’s a little bit… You know,” Dean whispers to Jack. 

“Okay,” Jack giggles. “I just wanted to apologize again for knocking you out this morning…”

“Ah,” Dean waves him off. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

“Okay…” Jack nods. “I’m also sorry that Sam broke your-”

“Haha,” Dean laughs which interrupts him. “It’s okay too… I’m used to Sam breaking stuff.” Dean is trying to act normal but he’s struggling. He knows that. It was not the time to laugh yet. “He’s a big guy… He breaks a lot of things…” Dean elbows Jack playfully. 

“Okay,” Jack nods. “Uhm, did I hear music earlier?” Jack asks. 

“Yes!” Cas exclaims. “We’re dancing. Do you want to dance as well?” Cas picks up Dean’s phone from the desk. “This song is very interesting…” Cas presses play.

“Wait, Cas-” Dean tries to stop him. 

“This does sound very interesting,” Jack says, “But that’s okay… I think I’ll leave you two alone… Goodnight!” Jack waves and starts walking out of the room. Dean follows him to the door so he can lock it. Sam told Jack that it’s best to leave them alone if any of the following things are happening. One, if Dean is drunk and they are in their room alone. Two, if either of them is missing clothes. Three, if they already went to bed for the night. Four, if they are both in bed and under the same blanket. Sam doesn’t trust them around blankets. Never again. This time, Cas is drunk, but Jack assumes the first rule applies to both of them. And Cas wasn’t wearing a shirt. And it’s night time. 

“Secret, Cas! It’s a secret!”

“Oh!” Cas giggles, “My apologies, I forgot.” Cas smiles as Dean walks back over to him. “Keep singing…” Cas starts their goofy dancing again. Dean joins in on the goofy dancing and sings along with the song. 

One lyric, in particular, is special later in the song because Cas finds it unbelievably funny. “But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man,” Dean sings. Then Cas laughs so loud and so long that Dean starts laughing too. They both laugh through a good chunk of the song. “This is the eighties and I’m down with the ladies,” Dean cracks up again because Cas is still laughing. 

Eventually, the song is over and they quit dancing. Cas can’t exactly hug Dean and he doesn't want to trap him and risk getting stuck by putting his arms around him anyway so he presses into Dean. “What is the funky cold medina? A drink?” Cas asks. 

“Yeah,” Dean giggles. 

“You know all the words to that song.”

“Yup,” Dean nods. 

“You must like it.”

“Don’t tell anyone Cas, I’m serious. I have a reputation.”

“Okay, I won’t” Cas kisses Dean’s chest because that's where it’s convenient. “You need to take off your shirt,” Cas comments. “So… That song turns you on?”

“Yup.”

“You’re turned on right now?” Cas giggles, walking away to get the beer he had been nursing, and finishes it. 

“A little bit,” Dean giggles. 

“I heard a song!” Cas says excitedly. 

“You head a song?” Dean sits on the edge of the bed and Cas stands in front of him. 

“Yes, and it reminded me of you…”

Dean blushes a little bit. That’s actually nice. “Really?”   
“Yes,” Cas nods one time, very big. He holds the sides of Dean’s face and looks into his eyes. “You have very beautiful features,” Cas smiles and stares.

“Thanks…” Dean blushes furiously and waits for Cas to tell him. 

“Your eyes are my favorite color.”

“So…” Dean grumbles, still waiting. “What is it?”

“Green.”

“No!” Dean chuckles. “I mean what  _ song _ is it?”

“Which song?”

“The song that reminds you of me…”   
“Oh!” Cas recalls and lets go of Dean. “She Goes Down.”

Dean’s face drops into a very plain face. “By the Crue?”

“Motley Crue. Yes. I heard it on your car’s radio when you went into the gas station to pee once.”

“Cas.”

“Yes?”

_ “That’s like the sleaziest song ever! She’s practically a prostitute!” _ Dean laughs. 

“What is your point?”

“That song reminds you of me?” Dean laughs. 

“Yes.”

Dean makes a face and keeps laughing.  _ “Why?” _

“It’s like connecting the dots. Start at the bottom, lick it to the top,” Cas sings very badly.

“Cas!” Dean chuckles.

“I heard it in  _ your car. _ And you and the prostitute share some very similar characteristics.” Cas giggles then starts singing again. “You know she makes me feel good! Every day, any way. All night long she goes down! She goes down, down, down,  _ down!” _ Cas starts undoing his belt and taking off his pants the best he can with the cuffs. “Because you both go down and you are both very good at sex. Let’s watch porn videos now…” Cas crawls on the bed in only his socks and underwear. 

“Okay,” Dean giggles. “What porn?” Dean passes Cas another beer.

“What porn would you like?” 

“I don’t know… It’s hard to find porn more entertaining than you.”

“Do you want to watch Winnie The Pooh?” Cas smirks with a chuckle. 

Dean stares blankly at him. “Rude.”

“You could read erotica!” Cas suggests. “You could read it out loud to me!”

“No.” Dean shakes his head. “I can’t do that. No…”

“Alright… Well… Would you like to look at internet porn videos?”

“I guess so…”

“You ‘guess so?’ Do you wish to do something else? You suggested this… You haven’t thought about it?” Cas tilts his head.

“No, not really… And  _ I do _ want to watch porn…” 

“Okay! What porn would you like?”

“Cas,” Dean giggles. “You already asked that!”

“My apologies Dean, I’m highly intoxicated…” Cas smiles and drinks more beer. “You could read erotica!”

Dean laughs. “Nope! I’ll go get my computer, we’ll figure it out.” Dean walks to the door. 

“Then you will remove your clothes,” It doesn’t sound like a question. 

“Okay.”

Dean gets his computer real fast then gets back to his room. Cas has his briefs pulled down a bit and has a hand on his dick. “You seriously started without me?” Dean says, getting on the bed quickly. 

“Yes, I’m sorry. I did not even try to wait.” Dean rolls his eyes and chuckles. “I am going slowly though! See?” Cas asks. “I was erect for some reason and I wanted to do something for it. I don’t have much control over how my penis acts right now.”

“Your big cock,” Dean laughs and opens his computer, “Does what it wants.”

“Can we look at some porn videos featuring manual stimulation?”

“Yes,” Dean nods.

“And then can we watch one where one partner is restrained? _No spanking.”_   
“No, never spanking. Sure.”

“And then!” Cas says excitedly, “Something with beads?”

“Okay…” Dean nods. 

“Then maybe we can look at some sounding porn videos? Those are harder to come by.”

“Uhm… I guess we can look.”

“Then full fornication!” Cas smiles. He lets go of his dick. 

“Cas,” Dean says confused. “How much porn are we going to watch?”

“You’re right Dean,” Cas nods. “I think I am overestimating the amount of time I can keep my hands off of you.” Cas picks up his beer from the side table and drinks some of it. “You know, we haven’t even had sex yet. Okay, just the manual stimulation and then full fornication.” Cas reaches over and touches Dean's bulge in his pants. He lifts his hand up for a moment then pats it back down. “Oh, haha! I was trying to get your clothes off…” Cas rolls his eyes. “You need to do that now.”

“Yeah, I’ll do it,” Dean nods and clicks around on his computer. 

_ “Now, Dean. _ Give me your computer, I will get one ready.”

Dean passes his computer to Cas and stands up to start undressing. “Where did I put my drink?” Dean looks around. 

“I believe you finished it and you have yet to get another.”

“Ohh yeah,” Dean sighs as he takes his pants off. “Do you think I can have another one and still be like…  _ Not drunk?” _

“I don’t know…” Cas admits. “I’m not thinking clearly right now. Judge yourself, I’m sure you will make the right decision… Can you have a sixth beer and keep from getting drunk.”

“One more. It’s just beer, right?”

“It depends on how fast you drink the beer, but sure.”

“One more.” Dean gets another one then sits back down on the bed. 

“You only removed your pants.” Dean just sort of laughs, but Cas’s face is serious. “This is unacceptable, Dean.”

“Ooo,” Dean smiles, “Do I need to be punished?”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Maybe…” 

Dean laughs and starts pulling off his boxers, “Next time…” Dean kisses Cas on his cheek.

“I think you missed,” Cas turns his head to Dean. “Try again.” Cas can’t do much with his hands and with the way they are positioned so he has to wait for Dean to kiss him regularly. Which he does, after Cas asked him to.

“Okay, Cassie boy, you got one ready?”

“Yes,” Cas smiles and turns the computer slightly towards Dean. “I think this one is going to be very good, but in case it’s not, I have a second video ready on another screen.”

“Tab?”

“Okay, tab.”

Dean laughs and drinks some of his beer. “I think Cassie has a bit of a hand-stuff fixation…”

“I don’t deny it,” Cas smiles and presses play on the video. “And you have an oral fixation…”

“No, I like sex…” Dean counters. 

“I also like sex, Dean,” Cas laughs. “That doesn’t change anything!”

“Oh,” Dean smiles and starts watching the video. It’s actually a pretty good video, Cas picked a good one. Dean watches as one guy slowly but very expertly jacks off his partner. It’s almost mesmerizing. Dean jacks off slowly as well, watching and enjoying. 

The guy in the video moans a lot. Dean knows that most, if not all, the moans in porn are fake. They don’t even really sound the same as real ones, but he still likes to hear them. And it’s nice to find out someone else moans as much as he does.

“So,” Dean glances at Cas, “You just aren’t gonna jack off?”

Cas looks at Dean then back to the video. “I don’t masturbate while I watch porn videos. I only watch them.” Cas picks up his beer and drinks some of it, then holds it in his lap. 

“Oh, right,” Dean laughs. The video continues on. It’s not a super long video and it is clearly getting close to the end. Dean glances at Cas who he finds staring at him. “You’re watching me and not the porn?” Dean laughs again. He might be closer to drunk than tipsy. 

“I think you are better than the man in the video so, yes, I’m watching you.”

“Oh,” Dean smiles and sits up a little straighter. Dean doesn’t know if that’s true or not. Cas is kinda drunk and also biased due to his love for Dean so… Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Dean thinks the porn is really good. Maybe Cas should pick Dean’s porn from now on. Or Dean should be pickier. 

Eventually, the video is through. It ended with the guy coming which made Dean hum in delight. 

Cas picks up the computer and starts clicking around. “Did you enjoy that video?”

“Yes.”

“What did you enjoy about it,” Cas pauses, “Spe-cif-ic-al-ly?” Cas says funny. 

Dean chuckles. “I don’t know… It was just a good video…”

“Dean,” Cas smiles, “This whole time I thought you were some sort of porn connoisseur…”

“Bless you,” Dean laughs. 

“So you enjoy watching any kind of porn?”

“Mostly… There is some stuff I…” Dean thinks. “I won’t watch. But all the basic stuff, Psh!” Dean waves a hand then grabs his beer, “I’ll watch anything.”

“This one is longer than the other porn video. I also have a second one in case we need it, but here we go!” Cas plays the video. Dean is a little more excited about this one since Cas picks such good porn. One for one, anyway. He’s doing good!

Cas shuffles around then gets his underwear completely off. He definitely spilled a little beer trying to do it. He didn’t think to set it down. He puts his hand on it to clean it but obviously, nothing happens. He keeps forgetting about the cuffs. 

“This is a…” Dean turns his head slowly to gaze at Cas. “This is a cool position…” Dean starts watching again. 

“You like the position, Dean?” Cas smiles. 

“Yeah… Ooo…” Dean smiles. 

“Maybe we could try it!”

“Well not now,” Dean says. Then abruptly he moans. He’s still jacking off slowly.

“Why not now?” Cas squints at him. 

“You can’t do that and wear cuffs at the same time…”

“Are we fornicating with the handcuffs on?”

“I thought so…” Dean shrugs. “Whatever you wanna do, you’re the boss…” 

Cas smiles. He likes being the boss. And he likes that Dean likes him being the boss. But Cas wants to hear what Dean has to say because it sounds like he’s thinking about it. “You’re right, I’m wearing them.”

“Nice,” Dean smiles. A few seconds pass by. “Cas, this porn is so good.”

“Start watching porn made by women… You will like it better.”

“Okay,” Dean nods. “Hey, Cas?” Dean swallows, “Do you wanna have sex right now?”

“Yes.” Cas nods quickly. “Yes, I do… Tell me how you want to do it.”

Dean shuts the laptop and sets it on the side table. Then he takes Cas’s beer from him and sets it down along with his. “I want you to let me ride you. Plain and simple.”

“Okay,” Cas agrees and lays down. “I don’t think… That I will be able to hold you… Can you do it without my help?”

Dean scoffs, “Pshhhh, YEAH!”

“Last time I didn’t help you-”

“I ended up on the floor. But! This is different.”

“How?” Cas smiles. 

“We’re gonna put you…” Dean pushes Cas a little bit, “In the middle this time.”

“Okay,” Cas  _ actually _ moves. 

“Noice!” Dean cheers and gets the lube. It takes a second for Dean to lube up his fingers, “You can jack off while you wait…”

“No… I don’t think I can handle that.”

“Oh yeah!” Dean smiles and pushes two fingers into himself. “I’m holding up good though, aren’t I?” Dean asks for vindication. 

“Yes, you are!” Cas answers. “Especially since we haven’t had sex for a couple of days.”

“Yeah,” Dean adds a third finger, perhaps too quickly. “It’s ‘cause ah the alcohol.” Dean lets out a moan.

“I know…” Cas bubbles. 

“Okay, I’m done.”

“No,” Cas corrects.  


“Okay, I’m not done,” Dean giggles and keeps fingering himself open. “This feels really good but I want your cock,” Dean laughs. 

“I know… And I want you to ride me, so hurry up…”

“This part is so inconvenient.” Dean finishes up then climbs onto Cas. “Here we go,” Dean grunts as he slides down onto Cas. Cas whines softly, then so does Dean. Dean doesn’t move for a second. “You know, sometimes I think, ‘I don’t need to prep… I can probably fit your dick and be fine…’ But then I have you inside me and I realize, ‘Yeah, I need to prep.’”

“Are you okay?” Cas says with slight panic in his voice.

“Yup,” Dean lifts up and grinds his hips back down. 

“Ohh,” Cas groans. “You are so tight.”

“It’s been a few days…” Dean smiles then starts moving slow and fixed. 

“You’re so beautiful…” Cas grins and whines out. 

“How beautiful? Pornstar beautiful?”

“You are more beautiful than a pornstar, Dean.”

“Yeah?” Dean asks, grinding particularly hard this time. 

Cas groans. “You could be a pornstar. A really good one. A famous one.”

“A  _ famous _ one…” Dean nods then laughs. “You could be too… You’re so pretty and good at sex and you got a whopping-” Dean pauses. A few moments go by and he moans. “But you should probably be a director…” Cas chuckles lowly like a rumble. “Because you know everything about sex and so you can boss pornstars like me around…” 

“So, you are a pornstar, then?” Cas forces out. 

Dean smiles. “Yes…” Dean puts one hand behind his head. “Look, this is what porn stars do,” Dean laughs and grinds onto Cas. 

Cas smiles at Dean being goofy.

“I’m definitely drunk…” Dean swallows, “Oops.”

“A little bit, yes.”

Dean puts his other hand behind his head and keeps jokingly grinding onto Cas. Dean closes his eyes and it looks like he’s legitimately enjoying this. “And pornstars make noises like this… Awh, yeah,” Dean starts making loud and drawn-out moans. A bunch of them. “Oh, yeah, so good…” 

“You’re a real pornstar, Dean… Good job,” Cas smiles. 

“Fuck, ugh!” Dean groans.  _ “Fuck,” _ Dean says genuinely. He loses his balance a little bit but catches himself by grabbing onto Cas’s wrists. Dean laughs. “Okay, no more of that… I’m getting close anyway…” Dean stays holding onto Cas’s writs next to the handcuffs. 

“Mm,” Cas whines, “Dean…”

“Are you… Close?” Dean asks. 

“Yeah…” Cas nods. 

Dean thinks for a second. Cas is gonna come before Dean does. It’s a fact. Dean smiles and pulls Cas’s hands to his dick by his wrists. “Please?” Dean asks and closes his eyes. 

Dean is still grinding onto Cas so it’s a little hard for him but Cas does a good job jacking him off for the most part. 

It’s not long until Cas comes. Cas is so shocked by it that it's almost funny. Dean smiles when he feels it… He comes a bit after that, all over Cas. “Ohh…” Dean wipes a finger through his come on Cas’s stomach then brings it to his mouth to lick it off. Then he does it again but brings it to Cas’s mouth. Cas licks it off his finger. “Does that taste expired to you?” Dean jokes. 

“No, it’s fresh…” Cas laughs. Dean just smiles. “Dean, I’m serious, you would do very well in porn if you wanted to,” Cas giggles. “Your penis is quite nice.”

“How do we keep coming back to this?” Dean chuckles. 

“Because I like your penis,” Cas giggles again. Dean rolls his eyes because it grows more and more awkward the more times Cas says ‘penis.’ “I like how your penis curves up slightly. It feels very good when it’s inside of me-”

“Cas!” Dean interrupts.

“Yes?” 

“I don’t… Want to talk about my dick.”

“Are you insecure about your penis, Dean?”

“Cas,” Dean huffs, “Everyone is insecure about their,” Dean laughs, “Dick.”

“Are you?” Cas asks worriedly. 

“No… I just- I just don’t want to talk about it… It’s weird!” Dean giggles but then stops when he sees Cas’s face.

“Do you dislike your penis? I like it very much! It’s beautiful and sensitive and pleasing and enjoyable-”

“Cas!”

“I’m only trying to say that you should like it! I like your penis, Dean!  _ It’s a great penis!” _ Cas shouts practically. 

“Okay!” Dean shouts back, “I like it!” He wants Cas to quiet down.

“You do?” Cas smiles. 

Dean rolls his eyes, “Yes, Cas, just please stop saying penis.”

Cas ignores him completely and goes right on to describe it. “The slight curve in your penis makes it to where you can brush against my prostate with very little effort.”

Dean rolls his eyes again and laughs, “Does it really?” He’s a bit upset that he’s engaging in this conversation, but he might as well, it’s not like Cas is gonna stop. And Dean’s a bit more drunk than he’d like to admit so of course he’s gonna participate. 

“Yes, so well!” Cas exclaims. “And what you lack in length you make up for in girth-”

“Yep,” Dean interjects, “That’s enough, I get it now…” Dean blushes very red. 

“No need to be embarrassed, Dean. I don’t mean that your penis is small, it’s just not large-”

“Cas,” Dean laughs helplessly, “Stop, dude!”

“Dean, your penis is an average length. If you were to check, you would find that your penis is just slightly above average.”

“Ab-” Dean swallows, “Above?” 

“Slightly.” Cas nods. “I like it very much, I want to suck it…” Cas giggles. “I wanna suck it and play with it and make you feel  _ soooo _ good!”

Dean smiles at him and closes his eyes, “I wanna make  _ you _ feel soooo good!” Dean answer. “I like your dick too, Cas. So big and… I don’t know, I can’t think of it righ’ now,  _ but! _ It’s big! It’s magnificent and it’s really big, Cassie.” Dean gets off of Cas. “I’ll go get a towel…” Dean starts pulling on the blanket on the bed that Cas’s laying on so Cas moves off of it so Dean can get it. Then Dean wraps himself and leaves. When he gets back a few minutes later, he smiles and says, “I’m all cleaned up now…” Then he holds out the wet towel, “Sorry I made you wait…”

Cas just smiles at him through his glossy, unable to see clearly without focusing eyes. 

“It’s hot…” Dean touches Cas’s stomach with the steaming rag and gently wipes him off. “Hey, when I take your handcuffs off… Are you gonna be drunk still?”

“I am not sure.”

“Okay,” Dean wipes Cas’s dick very,  _ very _ delicately then tosses the rag onto the table by their unfinished beers. Next, he unlocks and lets Cas out of the cuffs. 

As soon as one hand is free, Cas speaks up again. “No. I do not stay intoxicated.”

“Back to normal now, Cassie?”

“I would seem so,” Cas cleans up everything else. The come on the bed and blanket, the beer he spilled earlier, the rest of the come and lube on his thighs that Dean missed. 

“Well, if you had been the whole time… You would have told me…” Dean lays next to Cas, “That a sixth beer was too much. And so was a fifth one… Probably.”

“Maybe so,” Cas chuckles. 

“Big cock Cassie…” Dean mumbles to himself. “Got a big cock…” Dean closes his eyes. “You can hold me now…” Dean says a bit louder. 

Cas wraps around him and finally poofs his shirt away. “I had fun…” Cas smiles. 

“Me too…” Dean says obviously. “Sam gave me dirty looks when I passed him... I was too loud.”

“It happens.”

“I’m a little embarrassed,” Dean admits, pushing his leg between Cas’s. “But not  _ super  _ embarrassed because I was doing them loud on purpose.”

“The moans?”

“Yes…” Dean presses himself into Cas’s, rubbing their dicks together again. “I’m gonna fall asleep here in a minute…” Dean says lowly. 

“Okay,” Cas smiles.

“I’m glad you and your big cock are back, Cassie.”

“Me too.”

“All in one piece.” Dean yawns, “I worry.”

“I know you do.” It's quiet. “Dean, I know I said that ‘She Goes Down’ reminds me of you… Which it does-”

“Thanks-” Dean laughs.  
  
“Yes, but so does another song. I doubt you’ve ever heard it.”

“What’s it called?” Dean asks curiously. 

“‘Darling I Do.’”

“I’ve never heard that, where did you hear it?”

“I heard it while watching a movie with Jack. It was a cartoon movie.”

“Hmm,” Dean hums, “You’ll have to play it for me sometime.”

“Yeah…” Cas nods.

“I know today was weird, but I had a good day… The sex really helped,” Dean says randomly.

“Good,” Cas laughs. 

“Sex with big cock Cassie is always good.”

Cas thinks it’s so amusing when Dean says that. What kind of nickname even is that? 

Dean grumbles a little bit. “Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Someone gave me a prompt and I’m so excited about it and it made me literally so happy so I thought I’d invite everyone to do the same if you want! It can be just like a little idea for one if you want, or a whole story, related to one of my series or not, it doesn’t matter! Hope to hear from you! Also, if you suggest something, I’ll literally GIFT the fic to you. 
> 
> Here’s my email: watsondude00@gmail.com
> 
> Comment what you think, how you’re feeling, what you liked, hopefully, this was funny! As usual, love to hear from you!


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